We received this email from a student:
“I got ghosted by someone I thought I was helping, and it hurt! What the heck is going on, and how do I stop it?”
– Tender & Confused Mary
Dear Mary,
When you are helping people with passion and purpose, each professional interaction is more than just a transaction:
It’s a testament to genuine connections, understanding, and trust.
If the phenomenon of “ghosting” has found its way into your businesses, it’s probably a sign of deeper communication issues. I’ll get to those in a minute but first – let’s talk about the pain.
Why Does Ghosting HURT so Much?
Ghosting hurts because it feels like REJECTION.
And that feeling of rejection activates in the same part of your brain as physical pain.
No wonder it hurts!
I have personally felt the silent pain of ghosting in my business.
Why did they disappear?
- Was it something I said or didn’t say?
- Did they find a better solution or just change priorities?
Such questions kept haunting me.
I sometimes wondered if they found it challenging to communicate negative feedback.
But in the recesses of my mind, the silence feels like an unspoken lie, and it hurt.
For me, business is not just about numbers. It’s about forming and valuing human connections.
Ghosting shakes the foundation of this belief, making me question the genuineness of our interactions.
Ghosting leaves a void. Not just of potential business, but of feedback, trust, and closure.
I thrive on feedback; it helps me grow, adapt, and better cater to my clients.
The silence robs me of that opportunity.
And each instance of ghosting casts a shadow on future interactions.
Unfortunately – The void started to affect how I ran my business.
- I found myself being more cautious.
- Second-guessing my offerings.
- Sometimes even holding back, for fear of experiencing that silence again.
Seeking Clarity in Silence
After reviewing the science, some meditation, and deep reflection… I came to a realization:
Ghosting isn’t about me personally.
On the surface, any of these may be the cause:
- Change in priorities.
- Decision paralysis.
- They found another solution.
And on deeper consideration, I realized Ghosting was a systemic problem – that started with my outdated and ineffective “client communication procedures.”
The real reason ghosting happens is that somebody feels like they have to “LIE” to you to avoid confrontation.
Some people find it challenging to deliver negative feedback or say “no…” so they opt for silence instead.
That was my problem: not creating a safe space for my clients to express their true feelings.
I’ve realized that to combat ghosting:
- I needed to foster an environment of open communication right from the start.
- I needed a step-by-step system that encourages my clients to voice their concerns, objections, and feedback.
- It's essential for me to remember that ghosting reflects more on the person who ghosts than on me.
While self-reflection is valuable, I’ve learned not to view ghosting as a personal failure or inadequacy.
It’s a sign from the Universe that I need to improve my systems.
A Final Thought…
As a heartfelt business owner, my services are an extension of my values, emotions, and aspirations.
Ghosting – with its silent sting – challenges the core of this spirit.
While painful, it’s also a reminder to continually strive for genuine connections and clear communication from the very first conversation.
And to remember that our worth isn’t determined by the silence of a few.
I hope this helps, Mary.
Marla Mattenson in collaboration with ESI team
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson
