4 Minutes Read

How do you feel when you hear a NO, or get ghosted by a client?

Before I developed the Ethical Sales Process (ESP) it used to make my heart ache.

That led me down a fantastic path of discovery.

I’d like to share it with you

Why My Heart Hurts – When My Brain Hears NO

Rejection actually activates in the same part of your brain as PAIN.

Rejection HURTS even MORE – when you need a yes.

This is why “Traditional Sales Systems” actually sets you up for PAIN in almost every sales situation.

Think about it… if your mindset in your current sales system is based on getting a “sale” or a “Transactional Yes.”

And you don’t get one… it feels like a punch in the gut. It’s painful.

Rejection happens when the outcome does not meet your desires or expectations.
This is why many of us avoid sales altogether or asking hard questions in our sales conversations.

Here are a few references and explanations:

How Your Brain Processes Rejection
No matter who you are, rejection hurts.

Scientists are able to map the very real processes behind our social aches — and learn how similar they are to physical pain.

All these forms of social pain are hurtful, and scientists have found the ache is indeed real.

Studies have identified that the brain processes social pain similarly to physical pain, and they believe it’s an evolutionary response.

That means pain from a break-up, firing, or dissolution of a friendship is very real.

Similar to instances of physical pain, the same regions of the brain register social pain, and scientists have identified a clear overlap between physical pain and social pain.

In both instances:

And although the memory of physical pain can fade, studies have found it’s not the same with social pain, which can linger over time and reactivate with memory triggers.
Ref: https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/how-your-brain-processes-rejection

Rejection And Physical Pain Are The Same To Your Brain

Rejection And Physical Pain Are The Same To Your Brain

Ongoing research has found it doesn’t take much for those hurt feelings to ignite.

A person doesn’t even have to exist in real life to be able to spark hurt feelings.

In a 2003 study in Science, researchers connected participants to a fMRI to see how they would respond to a virtual social snub.

Their brains fired in the same location as Physical pain.

Science 302, 290 (2003);
Naomi I. Eisenberger, et al.
Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Study of Social
DOI: 10.1126/science.1089134 
Ref: https://www.wisebrain.org/papers/RejectionHurt.pdf

One of the things we do at the Ethical Sales Institute is help our students accomplish two things regarding rejection.

Reframing rejection means:

Marla Mattenson in collaboration with ESI team
Founder & Creator of Ethical Sales Institute
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.


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