A few days ago, I noticed something familiar:
My shoulders were heavy. My breath was shallow. My stomach was off. My mouth was dry.
And then… the stressful thoughts came through.
“It’s all falling apart.
How did you get yourself in this position? Are you stupid? Why do you keep repeating this pattern? Why can’t you figure this out? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I motivate myself to get shit done? What am I doing? What are we doing as a company, as a world? What is the purpose of all this? Does anyone care? What is my focus? Who am I serving? Why do they need me or my services? What exactly am I teaching?
This sucks.”
That’s when I knew: pressure was in the room again.
And this kind of pressure is a slow version of anxiety — it creeps in like fog before you even realize it’s clouded your clarity. And if you don’t catch it early, it builds. It feeds on doubt and self-judgment, until you can’t tell what’s real and what’s fear.
We call this cascade of physical and emotional stresses “dorsal,” or “the red zone.”
Based on Polyvagal Theory, the dorsal zone (red zone) is our body’s way of responding to overwhelm or perceived threat by dropping into the freeze/collapse state. It’s where we go when our system feels it’s no longer safe to fight or flee — and so we shut down. That shutdown is where all those spiraling thoughts live. And they’re not random! They’re signals from your nervous system — encoded with the exact words and physical sensations that will get your unique attention the most — asking you for support.
I teach this system in “From Freakout to Freedom“ – a complementary video training for busy entrepreneurs using the Polyvagal Theory. Really, it’s for anyone who has a nervous system and wants this guidance manual to our body that we were never given growing up. And you may be surprised that valuing our negative thoughts in a certain way are actually the key.
So here’s how I know I’m headed for that red zone:
- I start shaking my head no, even if no one’s talking.
- I slump.
- My stomach gets murky — like, blah.
- I can’t take a full breath.
- My mouth dries out.
- I feel incessant hunger and desire to eat, even when I’m not hungry.
- My phone is attached to my hand and I can’t seem to stop scrolling.
And then… those stressful, negative thoughts permeate everything.
You can probably relate, especially if you’re the breadwinner for your family — and even more so if you’re an entrepreneur who needs to sell their services! So what I’m sharing next may give some relief:
Whenever I feel like “it’s all falling apart”… it’s not. (And, it is).
Things are actually changing.
That’s what “falling apart” really means; it’s the body’s way of getting your attention. Because when you can see beyond “It’s all falling apart,” you’ll receive the truth that is being revealed.
When truth is received, something that can finally shift. And often, things have to fall apart before the next step is revealed.
So instead of spiraling, I choose to witness.
Here’s what helps me when I’m on the emotional rollercoaster of being an entrepreneur and deep in dorsal:
- I microjournal my dorsal thoughts (yes, even the ones that feel “too much”)
- I roll my joints, shake my body, and “stretch my sweater” (see the From Freakout to Freedom training to practice)
- I take a shower or get in water.
- I listen. I really listen — to my breath, to spirit, to The Guides.
- I talk to my sweetheart Julian.
- I remind myself: this isn’t random. This is part of the journey.
- I remember that this moment — right here — helps me connect to others who suffer like this every day.
- I choose compassion. First for me, then for others.
- I remember this is one of my “red zone” thoughts. “It’s all falling apart” actually means it’s time to move my body to receive the truth of that message.
And then?
I ride the wave.
To ride the wave means I stop bracing, and I start moving. I soften, I surrender, and I let the feelings move through me instead of trying to hold them back. My body relaxes, and my breath returns. And if Julian is around, maybe he rubs my head or my feet… and I let myself receive it.
This is the real work of conscious entrepreneurship: navigating these emotional waves with more grace and ease over time. Bringing ourselves back to regulation — again and again — with kindness.
Why I’m No Longer Available for Pressured Sales
This is why I’m not available for pressured sales anymore.
Because pressure lives in the same neighborhood as shutdown, and I’ve lived there enough to know: that’s not where I want to build my business from.
Pressure is the currency of Traditional Sales. It’s the sales model that says, “Push through or ridicule their fears, hook their pain points and scratch on them until they’re frantic to buy your solution. Create urgency. Get them to say yes and get their credit card before they change their mind.”
It’s fast-talking, scarcity-driven, tied to worth and wrapped in fear. And when you’re the one doing the selling, it’s a system that breeds nervous system dysregulation — in you and in the person you’re selling to. Because in pressured sales, there’s no room for doubt, slowness, nuance, or the sacred pause. There’s only one goal: get the yes at all costs.
And the cost, my friend, is high.
That’s why with Ethical Sales, we’re after something entirely different: we’re not selling from collapse or fear, we’re selling from peace and a genuine desire to serve and help others. We’re selling from a regulated nervous system that knows: Trust is the true currency of business.
And a regulated nervous system is what builds that trust — not just intellectually, but energetically. People can feel it, even if they’re not fully aware of it.
When your system is calm and connected, the person across from you feels safe enough to be honest. Safe enough to reveal their fear, share their skepticism, explore their hesitation, bring forward their pushback. All valid parts that arise in all of us, even when we’re talking to someone who we think can help us solve those fears. (Maybe especially then).
And you — the regulated one who knows what the dorsal zone looks, feels, and sounds like — don’t flinch or take it personally because you’re not afraid of their “no.” You’re not trying to control their path, and in fact you know that everything they’re bringing to you is part of their path. You’re here, centered in service, acting as a mirror for them to see their fears in without more fear, shame, or “wrongness” piled on.
You’re choosing to remove all pressure, and letting what is best for them be seen while guiding them with your expertise.
This is why navigating your own dorsal experiences — your own negative, spiraling, stressful thoughts — actually makes you a master of Ethical Sales: when you’ve met your own fear without making it wrong, you can meet someone else’s fear with the same compassion.
You become the kind of guide who doesn’t need to convince someone to work with you or see your value. You simply hold space for someone else’s process — even if it includes skepticism, resistance, or doubt. Especially then.
You remember: the problem is the path. This is what we teach in Polyvagal Theory. This is what I teach in Ethical Sales. This is what spiritual practice reminds us, over and over again.
And this is why Ethical Sales is so much more than a business model, it’s a life philosophy. It’s how we relate to others, and to ourselves — especially in the moments when our ego wants to run, fight, fix, or force.
It’s why I don’t move from pressure; I move from peace — and amplify peace in others.
Because ultimately when pressure leads, peace gets pushed out. And if I am creating a business that’s rooted in ethical connection and regeneration, it always begins with how I treat myself when the waves come.
I let the pressure rise, and I meet it with presence (learn how to do this in less than 10 minutes here). And every time I choose to stay with myself in the discomfort — instead of collapsing, pretending, or pushing through — I build trust, connection, and energy. And not just with my clients or potential clients — with myself.
So if you’re here reading this, maybe take a breath with me right now:
What would it feel like… to stop pressured sales with you?
What’s one moment — one breath, one pause, one act of grace — you could offer yourself before you offer anything to someone else?
Could you choose presence over pressure when the need to earn becomes so loud it starts to crumble you? Because that moment — right there — is when we usually reach for pressure. That’s when we grip the sale, hustle harder, and unconsciously project our own dysregulation onto the person in front of us — the very person who’s coming to us for help, already carrying their own needs, stresses, and longing for relief.
This is why personal development work is so essential for conscious entrepreneurs.
What are your practices for when the stressful waves arise? If you don’t have a list at the ready in your phone, feel free to take from the list above and add more. And if you’re looking for a community to practice this way of being in business, you’re invited to apply for our affordable membership, Rising Visionary.
Marla Mattenson
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson
