People pleasing, often seen as a harmless trait, can actually hold you back from your goals as an ethical business person.
Sarah has a history of always putting others first. In her previous sales role, she prided herself on being agreeable and accommodating. She believed that saying ‘yes’ to every client request would make her more likable and successful. It seemed to work: her clients liked her!
Over time, Sarah felt increasingly burnt out and frustrated. She was constantly over-promising, taking on more than she could handle, and bending her own principles to avoid conflict.
One day, she noticed her client appraising her after she told them she would “love to help!” when she really didn’t want to. And Sarah had a breakthrough. She realized that her people-pleasing was actually eroding the trust her clients had in her. They weren’t getting the best of her or her energy — they were getting a watered-down version that was afraid to speak up or set boundaries.
With guidance, Sarah started practicing more assertive, value-based communication. In one particular case, instead of agreeing to an unrealistic deadline just to avoid disappointing a client, she respectfully explained why a longer timeline was in their best interest. To her surprise, the client not only appreciated her honesty; their relationship strengthened because of it. Sarah now feels more fulfilled in her work, knowing she’s staying true to her values while serving her clients in a way that builds deeper, more trusting relationships. And she has started this process in her personal life, too.
Sarah now knows that embracing honesty and integrity — rather than trying to please everyone — leads to greater respect and long-term success in sales, business reputation, and enjoyment in her life.
If any of this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
At the Ethical Sales Institute, our community members learn that catering excessively to others’ needs can detract from the core values of honesty, transparency and integrity crucial in sales.
In Ethical Sales, the goal is to meet client needs through transparent and principled practices, rather than trying to gain approval or avoid conflict.
When people pleasers agree to client demands that don’t align with ethical standards or the company’s best interests, they’re compromising their integrity and undermining their personal authenticity. This can erode the trust and respect of clients who rely on honest advice and solutions.
Trust is the foundation of any strong client relationship, and when we sacrifice our authenticity to avoid conflict, that foundation begins to crumble.
A people-pleasing attitude can stifle professional growth.
At the Ethical Sales Institute, we emphasize assertive, clear, and kind communication. These are the skills that help build an unshakable reputation in business! Always saying ‘yes’ deprives ourselves of the opportunity to challenge our limits, and explore new solutions that actually feel good to us, our bodies, and our professional goals. In the long run, this can stifle both professional growth and personal fulfillment, and cause burnout, resentment, chronic health problems, and more. This cycle both harms your business, and takes a toll on your mental and physical well-being.
People pleasers develop resentment toward their clients during the fulfillment phase if they over-promise during the sales process.
We focus on helping our students and community members cultivate their strong sense of self-confidence and moral courage. This empowers them to stand firm on ethical issues and make decisions that reflect their values and uphold professional responsibilities.
Being likable and accommodating has its place, but excessive people pleasing doesn’t belong in Ethical Sales. Our approach champions balance: students respect their values and boundaries while serving their clients with integrity. This balance not only creates trust-filled, lasting relationships built on mutual respect and confidence, it fosters a fulfilling, sustainable business — and life — that you genuinely enjoy.
If you struggle with people-pleasing and you want to become more adept at dealing with the discomfort of standing up for yourself and setting boundaries, we highly recommend the Polyvagal Training “From Freakout to Freedom” that you can enjoy here.
Marla Mattenson
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson
