How Ethical Sales Conversations Eliminate Ghosting and Welcome Ideal Clients
Let’s talk about one of the most radical things I do in sales conversations — something that goes against every piece of advice from mainstream sales trainers.
Maybe you’ve heard the rule in sales: Once someone says yes… Shut your mouth. Don’t say another word. Take the payment and move on.
Why?
Because the moment after a “yes” is considered delicate. Traditional Sales trainers will tell you: “Don’t shake the tree! Don’t invite doubt. Don’t open a door that could change their mind, because you’ll lose the sale.”
When you practice Ethical Sales, you don’t worry about losing the sale. If a sale can be lost, it was never a sale in the first place.
When you practice Ethical Sales, you don’t worry about losing the sale. If a sale can be lost, it was never a sale in the first place: it was an emotional manipulation, built on a type of hypnosis, fascination, excitement, shutting off the logical brain to make an emotional sale. That’s a sale bypassing the brain’s frontal lobe: the part of us that thinks clearly, weighs options, and makes thoughtful decisions.
In other words… that’s a dysregulated sale, relying on the client’s nervous system to be in a state of urgency, not wanting to miss out on the offer or opportunity.
So what’s a regulated sale?
I’m so glad you asked!
A regulated sale happens when both parties — the seller and the potential buyer — are in a calm, connected, present state.
This means we’re not rushing, pressuring, or throwing in “limited time” bonuses to get someone to act fast because we’re afraid they’ll change their mind.
It means that instead, we’re grounded. We’re engaging in a relationship with this person in front of us, and also with ourselves through intentional connection, listening, care, consideration, honesty, and kindness. We’re in our power this way — and in our heart.
And most of all? We’re willing to swim in the no.
“Swim in the No” Means This:
Once someone says “yes,” to working with us in our sales conversation — yes to engaging in a contract, to purchasing a package of sessions, or otherwise onboarding our help in some way — that’s when we go deeper into the conversation instead of ending it.
Receiving that “yes” from our potential client is when we actively go against that “rule” of Traditional Sales; the one that says to end the conversation quickly and start initiating next steps of payment, contract delivery, calendaring sessions, and sending materials over — in other words, to close the deal before any second-guessing can occur.
Instead, that moment of “yes” is when I intentionally ask:
“Now that you’re a yes, would you be open to playing and experimenting a little bit here?”
And if I receive their consent, I continue with, “I’d like to swim in the no together… let’s look at some of the reasons you might want to say no.”
Record-scratch moment here (or it may feel like one to your nervous system, initially). Because hearing a “no” feels like rejection – which feels like physical pain in our body.
I promise: this is not self-sabotage, nor is it “talking someone out of the sale.”
This is showing respect for the other person’s full spectrum of decision-making, and ensuring that this potential client is truly all in with the service you’re offering.
Because nobody is ever 100% yes or 100% no while they’re still in a sales conversation with you: if they were truly 100% no? They’d be gone, off the call or out of the chat.
And if they seem like a full yes — amazing! Yet if we want long-term, mutually nourishing client relationships, we want to invite their whole self into this initial decision to engage with us and our services… including the parts that still have doubt, skepticism, fear, concern, or hesitation.
So when we break that Traditional Sales rule and ask a potential client to swim in the no with us, we are welcoming those parts to speak, too. Those are the tiny grains of sand that when not expressed, will:
- Ghost you after the call
- Drag their heels on signing the contract
- Question every deliverable
- Become a burden for you and your team during fulfillment
Or… it’s a part that, when invited into the conversation, might say, “Honestly, I didn’t want to say this… but I’m a little hesitant that this won’t work for me.”
Now we’re in a real, connection-based moment of truth, intimacy, and trust.
And in this moment, your potential client can realize your mastery-level of care and emotional ability to hold them in all their moments, including the hard ones.
That’s where the real sale happens — or doesn’t. Either way, it’s a win for you both.
I remember when I “swam in the no” with a potential client and he said, “Well, honestly, I think I could do this on my own.” To which I replied, “Thank you for sharing this with me. You’re right. You could do this on your own.” Then I paused. He was stunned.
He told me later he thought I’d use that as a way to undermine him and tell him all the ways he was wrong and needed me. Instead, I said to him, “You absolutely could do this on your own. It would just take longer, be more arduous, and you probably will get caught in old habit patterns you can’t see yourself, but you could absolutely do it on your own. If you want to do this with me — not because you NEED to, but because you want the guidance, support, blind spot excavation and more — then I’d be honored to be your guide.”
When I took a different approach and swam in the no, it closed the sale. And during our work, I never felt like I had to prove myself to him in any way, because he walked into the sale on his own two feet, consciously, with his logical mind and intuition all turned on.
Unfortunately, currently most sales conversations — even the low-ticket ones — are laced with nervous system dysregulation from both the buyer and the seller.
The seller often moves too fast, pressures the buyer by using scarcity or fear or over-enthusiasm, and avoids touching on the “no.” It’s a classic mall-kiosk situation we’ve probably all been in as a buyer, and it’s uncomfortable at best. And this type of selling is what most people think about when they hear the word “sales.”
Whereas in Ethical Sales, a regulated salesperson — a true, ethical guide — welcomes the no, because we welcome the truth. We don’t want to sign a client who has genuine reservations. Those kinds of clients become the ones you drag along, needing to convince them to follow through and respond to you. They are heavy burdens. And it’s not fun to guide someone with hidden resentments because they didn’t really want to invest this much, or at this time.
A regulated salesperson isn’t afraid of someone leaving the conversation with clarity, even if that clarity is: “No, this isn’t right for me right now.”
Because that’s actually a blessing. And it’s why the third core value of Ethical Sales is “Celebrate Choice.”
Think about a time someone said “no” to you — and it turned out to be a gift.
Maybe it was a client you knew you could help… but something about their tone, word choices, or energy felt off. And when they chose to walk away instead of lean into your offer, part of you felt disappointed — and part of you felt relieved.
Because if they had said “yes,” you would’ve been carrying their uncertainty the whole way.
That’s the power of swimming in the no: you create space for truth, and space for the right fit to reveal itself — without pressure, people-pleasing, or masking emotions and thoughts to pretend.
The same applies in life: in sales, as in relationships, clarity is the real win. When we don’t try to control the outcome, we create space for alignment.
And in that space, people feel safe to make a true decision, including ourselves (because remember, we always have the ability to say “no thank you” to a potential client, as well!)
That true decision is what we want. Because that’s what creates long-term, results-driven, values-aligned, joyful client relationships where someone actually thanks you when they sign the contract, and sends referrals your way.
You want someone to say yes with their whole body: their nervous system, frontal lobe, and spiritual Knowing.
And if they can’t do that? Then we honor the no — or the not now — with kindness and respect.
Ultimately, the nervous system knows.
When you pressure someone to close, when you hide from their fear, when you treat a “yes” as fragile instead of powerful — their body feels it. And so does yours.
So when you instead lead from grounded confidence and invite both the yes and the no… everything changes.
The potential client feels safe to reveal how you can really help them, and gives voice to their inner skeptical or fearful parts to be listened to with care. You feel confident that you’re truly helping another person as they are, and ending cycles of sales trauma to contribute to more peace on earth. And the relationship begins in truth, even if the answer is “no.”
That’s how we build businesses and lives we love: we swim in the no. We ask for the uncomfortable parts to surface and be loved when revealed. We care more about the truth than just getting a yes because we know those kinds of yeses have a backlash to deal with later. We welcome the whole person, whether they’re a potential client or a loved one in our life. And from that place, the right people will always swim toward us — with joy, gratitude and a clear yes.
Marla Mattenson
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson
