Ten years ago, when I was working with a coach, he said something to me that I’ll never forget.
He said, “If you don’t clean up your behind-the-scenes, people may be interested in working with you… but they’ll hesitate to say yes. They’ll sense that something is off without being able to name it. This is why it’s essential to do the personal development work, to live a life of high integrity.”
Wow, talk about a mirror straight to the ego. Yet it’s one I’m so grateful he provided, because I did clean up my behind-the-scenes in what was then the trailing residuals of a prior romantic relationship. I did call in a partner who, on one of our earliest dates together, made a list with me of all the ways we were out of integrity individually — and have been dedicated to reflecting on and cleaning up our messes ever since, where who we are and how we be externally matches our behind-the-scenes.
And we’ve been calling in — and experiencing— our Ideal Clients who are also dedicated to doing the same. And it all started with cleaning up those grains of sand within ourselves that may feel like no big deal, but will in fact push away the exact caliber of people we enjoy serving.
Imagine your own dream client: the one you feel lit up to work with. The one who makes you want to prepare just a little more thoughtfully before each session. The one whose growth feels energizing to support, instead of draining.
You can picture them in your mind: their habits, values, income level, personality traits. Maybe you’ve gotten a taste in certain facets of other clients you’re worked with or heard about. Once you have clarity on your ideal client qualities, I recommend putting them in writing to reflect and add to the list over time. This is what we call your Ideal Client Avatar (ICA). Clarity on your ICA will inform your marketing message, your sales conversations, your contracts, and even how you communicate in email and interviews.
Your ICA List is helpful to every new offer, program, retreat, and product you create, knowing who you are serving.
(Bonus! I’ve included how to write your own ICA List in depth at the end of this article.)
And when you tune into your preferences and desires about who you enjoy serving, it’s easier to craft your messaging and sales processes to speak directly to your Ideal Clients.
Let’s say you want a client who is financially stable, who invests easily, who responds quickly, who respects your time, and is dedicated to growth. All great qualities that feel amazing to work with!
Now take a look at how you’re showing up. Are you financially stable? Are you quick to respond to emails or texts? Are you someone who upholds those same standards in your own life you want from your clients?
This is what Ideal Clients do: they reflect what you can hold.
A true Ideal Client calls you into your highest expression. They challenge your own growth edges.
And if you can’t hold a high-quality container — one they are fully able to fall apart inside and be rebuilt, restructured, and guided into their next butterfly stage — they won’t be able to stay. They may even need to break a contract, or decide not to continue on with you, because they’re the one holding the standard. They can’t fully relax and receive what they need.
Or maybe you won’t feel strong (or confident) enough to invite them in.
You don’t attract Ideal Clients by saying the right words — you attract them by becoming the kind of person who can hold their level of energy, emotion, power, and transformation.
In a sales conversation years ago, a husband raised his voice at me. I took a long pause and said:
“I find it fascinating that you’re yelling at me and you don’t even know me. I can only imagine what’s happening behind the scenes. If you want to come out of that pattern, I can help you.”
He paused. Then said, “So how do we sign up?”
That moment came because I was no longer in people-pleasing mode. I had done the work to show up grounded, confident, and clear. And that’s exactly what he needed.
This is why I say that when it comes to raising your rates, people don’t pay for more “stuff.” They pay for more presence.
They invest in the quality of the container you create — because a safe, grounded, clear container is what allows someone to fully reveal themselves and receive help. That’s what they’re investing in: not more PDFs or Zoom calls, rather the quality of your attention. And that’s something they can feel before they ever sign the contract.
Ideal Clients can sense whether you’re also working on yourself, growing in your capacity and wisdom.
Not consistently investing in our own personal growth is why many haven’t yet experienced the joy of enrolling and serving Ideal Clients.
It requires being deeply self-honest about our capabilities, and having the courage to say “no” to a less-than-ideal client.
When you’re not clear on who you’re meant to serve, anyone with a credit card can walk through the door. And sometimes, that’s okay — we all learn by working with not-quite-right clients. And those experiences help refine your standards.
You learn what kinds of issues you love supporting. What kind of energy you thrive in. What communication styles nourish you — and which ones drain you.
Eventually, you start saying:
“I only want to work with people who meet this standard.”
“I only want to hold space for this level of commitment.”
“I only want to coach someone who shows up this present.”
And when you do, Ideal Clients start to show up.
This is a process; it evolves over time, even if your current capabilities are incredible. And because of that, your ICA — your Ideal Client Avatar — evolves, too.
Your ICA List helps you get clear on the people who bring out the best in you: the people who make you want to give more, go deeper, think harder, listen better. The clients who make you lean in and say, “Yes. More of this.”
(Sometimes when you’re in a tight money season, you may choose to take on a client who isn’t ideal. Don’t make that wrong — we all take on less-than-ideal clients from time to time. Just make sure you’re learning from what you do and don’t enjoy from working with this person.)
For example, my love, life, and business partner Julian (remember from the beginning of this article, we made a list of all the ways we were out of integrity? That’s him!) and I love working with the subtle issues — the “advanced settings” type of stuff. The things that look invisible from the outside, where the person looks like they’ve got it all together — so what is there to even work on? Well, everybody has a growth edge; some are more subtle than others.
So on my ICA List, I have that I love working with people who are aware of those subtle growth edges and want to work through them; going beyond over and over again. In fact, one of my recent clients made a list of “I’ve never thought of it that way before” moments from working with me (that’s what I hear the most from people I interact with: “I’ve never thought about it that way.”) I love helping people see beyond their current paradigm. And that’s what my Ideal Clients want to do.
Ideal Clients uplift your energy. You feel it when you see their name in your calendar. You’re magnetized to them the same way they’re magnetized to you. You find yourself thinking about them outside your sessions, wondering how you can support them even deeper. Not out of obligation — out of curiosity, care, consideration, and fun!
Your ICA List Will Change Everything
So how do you get there?
The ICA list is simple, and powerful in its simplicity: just a living document of the qualities in clients you love working with. Let’s start your ICA List right now!
Open a blank note or page. Ask yourself:
- What qualities does someone need to have for me to truly enjoy guiding them?
- What kinds of people actually thrive in the space I create?
- What kinds of issues do I love supporting?
As the answers come, write them down. Enjoy getting as specific as you can.
Then look at it and ask yourself: does this reflect who I am now? Am I holding this standard in my own life?
Now go a little deeper.
Consider these three questions that every Ideal Client will be able to answer, which is why I recommend asking them during a sales conversation or in a prep questionnaire.
Ask your potential clients these three questions:
1.
“Why do you want to do this work?”
Why do you want to heal your relationship, or scale your business, or fix your gut health, or get a marriage visa (whatever your work in the world is)? You’re listening for whether they are committed to this path whether they hire you or not.
2.
“Why do you want to work with me?”
What have they seen or felt that draws them to you specifically? Have they gone deep into your content? Are they just getting to know you, or have they been circling your work for a while?
3.
“Are you available for the financial investment?”
Do they know what it costs to work with you? Do they understand what the financial commitment looks like?
Your truly Ideal Clients will be able to answer those three questions in a way that has your body respond by leaning in. That’s when you know: yes. This person is aligned. This person is ready. This is someone I can deeply serve — and someone I will grow with, too.
Continue to refine your ICA List as you and your work grows. This is why it’s a living document! Each program or offer will have its own avatar, and sometimes it’s a modified version of the same one. Sometimes it’s completely new.
And still, you won’t actually know what an Ideal Client is until you’ve served one. Update your list once you have, and let yourself be surprised and delighted by what their qualities are!
When you encourage yourself to get clear on what an Ideal Client really means for you, you create a foundation for trust. You stop saying “yes” to everyone, and create more joy in your work.
Because when you’re clear on who you’re here for… they show up.
And when they do, you’ll know.
Marla Mattenson
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson
