What does intimacy have to do with the Ethical Sales Institute (ESI)?
Everything.
At ESI, we teach that sales expands far beyond transactions — they’re about trust, connection, and transparency.
And that foundation is built through intimacy.
I’ve been practicing the art of leaning into difficult conversations for decades. But when I met Julian in 2016, all my intellectual understanding became experiential. It got messy. I realized why most couples avoid talking about finances, pleasure, needs, desires — especially the things that feel “off” but are hard to put into words.
So Julian and I made a commitment: truth above all else. We practiced saying things “wrong” and “raw.” We risked upsetting each other in service of our relationship’s growth. And through that, we built an unshakable Union — one where we are unguarded and receptive to each other’s perspectives, even when we don’t agree.
This is intimacy.
And it’s the same practice I bring into business and sales.
Sales is Intimacy.
At ESI, we define sales differently:
Sales: Any exchange of value — time, energy, attention, or money.
Intimacy: Being both unguarded and receptive at the same time.
Both require presence. Both require trust. Both require consent.
The moment you ask a yes-or-no question — whether in business or personal life — you are engaging in a sale.
“Do you want to work together?” Yes or no.
“Do you want Thai food tonight?” Yes or no.
The higher the stakes, the more vulnerable the ask. And because our nervous systems interpret rejection as a threat to belonging, many people avoid asking questions that might result in a “no.”
But when we get comfortable with hearing “no” in our personal lives, we become better at ethical, high-integrity sales.
Because the truth we teach is… sales isn’t a space for convincing or manipulating. It’s a space we create where the other person feels safe enough to choose freely — without pressure, without coercion, without fear.
Sales & Love are intertwined.
Think about a sales conversation where you:
Are fully present, without an agenda.
Allow the person to express what they need, without pushing them toward a “yes.”
Stay open and receptive, rather than guarded or performative.
Now think about an intimate conversation in your personal life where you:
Listen deeply, instead of waiting for your turn to respond.
Honor consent — whether it’s about emotional space, physical touch, or a tough conversation.
Exchange energy, time, or attention in a way that feels good for both of you.
When you’re in a true, aligned sales process — you’re in relationship.
When you’re in a true, aligned relationship — you’re engaging in sales.
So this week, I invite you to explore the intimacy in your sales conversations and the sales dynamics in your relationships:
Where can you be more unguarded and receptive in your next sales or discovery call?
Where are you unconsciously bracing from lack of consent — in business or personal connections?
How can you create more mutual exchanges that are nourishing and balanced?
And let the intimacy of sales uplevel both your business and your personal relationships.
Marla Mattenson
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
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