A few months ago, I was on a flight, sitting next to a man I had never met before. We sparked up a conversation (as some people do) and naturally, the question came up: “So, what do you do?”
I boldly responded in a friendly tone, “You know how most couples have ‘off the table topics’ like sex, finances, relatives — and how not being able to talk about them creates resentment and loneliness? Well, my partner and I help couples put those off-the-table topics back on the table.”
He got quiet for a moment. Then, with emotion in his voice, he said:
“Oh… my friend could really use that.”
He told me about his friend — how his relationship was crumbling, how much pain he was in, how lost he felt. I could hear the helplessness in his voice. He just wanted his friend to be okay.
I didn’t pitch him. I didn’t go into how amazing I am at my work or why my process is better than others. I just listened.
I held space for his emotions, I met him in his care and concern. And in that moment of deep human connection, I said, “I’d be happy to speak with your friend and offer a little guidance, if you feel that might be helpful.”
He was hesitant to fully receive my offer, and yet relieved. I could sense that he didn’t want me to give more than I was comfortable with; he was a kind man who really cares. He quickly shifted into gratitude that I might be able to help his friend. I gave him my contact information, along with assurance that I looked forward to the introduction when he was ready, and that I would treat him with care and respect.
I received an introduction email as soon as the plane landed and his cellphone had service.
I didn’t close a sale. I opened a door of possibility, through the genuine desire to help someone in need. And that’s why I teach that emotionally intelligent one-on-one conversations are the best sales tool you can practice.
Maybe you’ve heard the old sales mantra: Always Be Closing.
It’s pretty aggressive. Transactional. Often manipulative, focusing on getting the “yes” at all costs. And… it’s outdated.
“Always Be Closing” creates a pressure-based sales environment where:
- The salesperson is focused on their own goal (getting the sale), rather than the other person’s needs.
- The client feels like a target, rather than a human being.
- The conversation feels transactional, rather than relational.
Even if someone does say “yes,” it often comes with second-guessing, resistance, or even buyer’s remorse. And often, it leads to ghosting before the contract is signed.
That’s not the kind of energy we want to bring into our businesses.
The best salespeople — the ones who build thriving, long-lasting, regenerative businesses — aren’t pushing people toward a sale: they’re connecting. Which opens a new paradigm for an updated ABC’s: Always Be Connecting.
When we shift from Always Be Closing to Always Be Connecting, something incredible happens:
- We stop chasing sales and start attracting aligned clients.
- We create relationships where people feel safe to ask for help when they’re ready.
- We embody our work, instead of performing for a sale.
And the best part?
When people feel genuinely seen, heard, and understood, they want to work with and refer us.
How to Shift Into “Always Be Connecting”
1.
Lead with curiosity. Ask about their experiences, challenges, and desires — without jumping straight into solutions.
2.
Listen without an agenda. Be fully present. Let the conversation unfold naturally.
3.
Trust that the right people will recognize themselves in your work. No pressure. No pushing. Just honest, human connection.
4.
Embody your work. When you truly believe in what you do, people feel it. You don’t have to convince them — they’ll come to you when they’re ready because you’re a beacon for your work.
Selling really isn’t about closing. Rather, it’s about opening: opening conversations, opening possibilities, and opening doors to real transformation.
What would shift in your business if you focused less on “closing” and more on connecting? Because there’s a better way to do business, and it starts with the connecting question, “How can I help?”
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Marla Mattenson
With a 25+ year career, Mattenson is a trailblazer in transforming sales paradigms from transactional to relational for professionals who prioritize the integrity & fulfillment of their services. She is a champion of consent-based sales.
www.instagram.com/marla.mattenson
